Table of Contents
Senator Elizabeth Warren has shocked her supporters with news that she is suffering from a rare medical condition - a brain eating worm. Warren announced in a series of social media posts that she is the “proud host” of a brain worm.
The Massachusetts senator reassured her followers that her parasite was a symbiotic one, and actually considered a treatment in traditional Cherokee medicine. Senator Warren acknowledged that, at face value, a brain-eating worm seems like a bad thing, but that people should trust the Center for Disease Control’s literature on the subject.
Warren’s condition came to light earlier this week when she caused a stir by attacking Trump’s Secretary of Health and Human Services pick Robert Kennedy Junior for his stances on vaccines and public health. Senator Warren made a series of bombastic claims on X.com (formerly twitter) including that Mr Kennedy would love to see American children contract polio, ebola and HIV-AIDS. Warren’s base was initially supportive of her rant, but later became concerned for the outspoken Democrat when she was forced to admit that, like the former independent presidential candidate, she too had been living with a worm inside her brain since 2010.
The irony of Warren's situation is not lost on those who followed Bobby Kennedy's uphill campaign. Mr Kennedy’s run-in with a similar parasite was a go-to criticism from Democrats during the 2024 election campaign, with many joking that the worm had made him cognitively impaired and “a kook”. Unsurprisingly, fresh revelations about Warren’s condition have led many to question why she wouldn't be afflicted by the same symptoms during her current term in the Senate.
Slightly Offensive reached out to the eminent Dr Fauci to obtain an unbiased assessment from the world-leading medical expert.
“Senator Warren is a close personal friend of mine, as you know. I believe I can say without prejudice that the worm currently eating her brain is what we call in the medical community, the good kind. Warren is in excellent physical health and, thankfully, has an up-to-date vaccination card. I have no doubt that she will continue to make discerning choices for the health of all Americans in spite of her rare condition, and also she is definitely not totally insane.” - Dr Anthony Fauci via Slack.
These comments from Dr Fauci, whose expertise saved hundreds of millions of lives during the COVID-19 pandemic, will likely ease the worries of many Americans closely following the brain worm situation as it unfolds. Some on the supporters have taken to TikTok to offer their best wishes and support to Senator Warren’s parasite. In a video posted to the platform, one user said, “If that brain worm is lowkey good for her, then I hope it lives forever and eats its fill, ya’ll”.
Please leave your opinions / comments on these stories below, we appreciate your perspective!
