Your Money is Funding Cocaine-Addicted Quails: Why America Needs a Department of Efficiency

It’s time to face an inconvenient truth: our government is haemorrhaging taxpayer dollars, and the waste is staggering. From massive untracked budgets to absurd projects that defy common sense, the need for a Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) has never been clearer. Here’s a breakdown of why DOGE is necessary and how it can save our nation from a fiscal black hole.

A System That’s Failing to Track Billions

The numbers don’t lie. Across federal programs and spending initiatives, the waste is astronomical:

• $824 billion: The Pentagon failed to fully account for its budget in its seventh failed audit.
• $236 billion: Improper payments in federal programs in 2023 alone.
• $200 billion: Pandemic relief funds squandered due to fraud and abuse.
• $1 billion: Untracked Ukraine military aid, as reported by watchdogs.

If this is what we know, how much more is slipping through the cracks? These aren’t just numbers; they’re your tax dollars disappearing into a bureaucratic abyss.

Your Money, Their Ridiculous Experiments

While critical programs often face budget cuts, taxpayer money is regularly funneled into frivolous studies that defy logic:

• $100,000 to determine if tequila or gin makes sunfish more aggressive.
• Nearly $1 million to explore if cocaine increases sexual promiscuity in Japanese quail.
• $750,000 to study whether Neil Armstrong said "One small step for man" or "One small step for a man"—a study that, shockingly, remains inconclusive.

These examples make it painfully clear: there’s little accountability in deciding what constitutes a “necessary” government expenditure.

Drowning in Complexity: The U.S. Tax Code

In 1955, the U.S. Tax Code had fewer than 1.5 million words. Today, it surpasses 16 million words, making it longer than the Bible, the Harry Potter series, and "War and Peace" combined. The complexity comes with a cost:

• Americans collectively spend 6.5 billion hours preparing their taxes each year.
• The sheer length and confusion of the tax code feed into inefficiencies, requiring more oversight, audits, and, ultimately, your money.

This bloated system begs for reform. Simpler, streamlined processes would save time, money, and untold frustration.

Waste Highlights: The Tip of the Iceberg

The following is just a glimpse into the ways taxpayer money is mismanaged:

• $3.1 million on an app to help people decide when to take a coffee break.
• $700,000 to fund a climate musical.
• $150,000 for a study on the benefits of walking like a penguin.

Each of these projects may seem small, but they add up to billions of wasted dollars annually. Meanwhile, roads crumble, healthcare costs rise, and veterans struggle to access basic services.

The DOGE Solution

The Department of Government Efficiency would be tasked with:

1. Auditing All Federal Spending: Mandating transparency and accountability for every dollar spent.
2. Eliminating Redundancies: Identifying and merging overlapping programs across agencies.
3. Streamlining Regulations: Reducing the regulatory burden to cut inefficiency and costs.
4. Accountability Standards: Setting measurable goals for federal programs, ensuring they deliver value for taxpayers.

It's Time to Take Control

The creation of DOGE isn’t just a suggestion; it’s a necessity. The inefficiencies within our government have reached a critical tipping point, and every dollar wasted is a dollar that could have gone toward fixing roads, lowering taxes, or securing our nation.

Imagine an America where your tax dollars are spent efficiently, where every cent is tracked, and where wasteful projects are a thing of the past. DOGE can make that vision a reality.

Let’s not wait until the waste grows even worse. It’s time to demand efficiency, accountability, and transparency. It’s time for DOGE.